Motherhood Series with Robin Alexander
IN HER WORDS
featuring
Robin Alexander
Perth, Australia • Mother of Hux (9) and Indi (7)
There are friends who arrive in your life and quietly become part of the fabric of it. Robin is one of those for me.
We first crossed paths in 2005, but our story really begins around 2009, when we became colleagues lecturing in the fashion design department at TAFE in Northbridge. Robin has always had this soft, warm, nurturing way about her, paired with a fine attention to detail and a quiet classic sense of style. She was, and still is, an icon in my eyes. Working alongside her, I was constantly inspired by the care and consideration she brought to everything she touched.
Then, in 2016, we had our first born boys within months of each other, Robin's Hux in May, my Jack in September. There is something about walking the motherhood path alongside someone you admire that draws you even closer. Over the years I have watched Robin grow into a stronger, more grounded version of herself. She is the most nurturing mother. Her home is full of love, warmth, nature and creativity, and the way she and her husband Darren weave their two children, Hux and Indi, into everything they do is the most wholesome thing to witness.
Robin and I have also had the gift of creating alongside each other, working on an exhibition together when our boys were about eighteen months old, two new mothers making space for art in the middle of it all. She has stood beside me through so many of life's milestones, and I feel deeply grateful to have her in mine.
So it feels especially meaningful to share her words here today. Robin's reflections are full of softness, honesty, and quiet wisdom, about the disbelief of becoming a mother, the unexpected emotional preparation no one warns you about, and the lifelong practice of learning to slow down.
I hope her words land and give you permission to slow down and be in the moment.
When you think back to the moment you became a mother, what do you remember most clearly?
The moment I became a mother, I had this feeling of disbelief, "I can't believe he's here!" and a feeling of complete happiness, "He's mine!" I had a newfound identity. I was a mother and I couldn't be happier. I was connected to him straight away.
I kept looking over to the cot, wondering what happens next, when will he wake? He smelt wonderful, he looked beautiful, he was perfect.
But… I had no manual, no one to teach me what to do next. When did he take a bath, feed, sleep, what was I supposed to do in between? This was unknown territory and felt a little scary, and there was a quietness in all of it that I wasn't used to. My world had slowed down.
What surprised you about motherhood that no one really prepared you for?
I thought I was ready. I had prepared the room, I had the cot, the pram, the nappies. What I hadn't prepared, was myself, emotionally or mentally, in the way I needed to.
I hadn't realised how much of myself I was actually bringing into motherhood. The thing is, I had been told about this; I just chose not to really look into it at the time. And then it became even bigger. I couldn't ignore it anymore if I wanted to be the best I could be for my children. This journey is ongoing, lifelong learning, and it's not so easy.
I also hadn't prepared myself for what my new daily life would actually look like; it was too hard to imagine. It would have been helpful to think about what I'd like to do daily as a loose routine, something as simple as a morning walk. I think then, the transition from a full-time working rhythm to being home full-time would have felt a little easier. There was so much quiet time, down time. It was a whole new pace.
In what ways have you grown or changed since becoming a mother?
This is still a journey of learning. I know what it is I need to learn, let go of perfection, surrender to the idea that I need to be busy all the time, take the time to slow down, and have patience. I work on these everyday and I'm still learning and minimally succeeding!
I've also become more emotional and compassionate. I cry at the kids' assemblies, and not just my own kids. I cry during movies, or in small moments of happiness.
What is a small, ordinary moment with your child that feels deeply meaningful to you?
Snuggling in bed at the end of the day with my two children and reading a chapter of a book together. It's that down time where we can cuddle and immerse ourselves in a story together. We laugh about it, get excited, feel all the emotions together.
It's also a time when we talk about the day. The kids tend to open up about things that happened at school and are more receptive to my questions. I love hearing the stories of their day, and in the quiet and calm, it really takes the importance it deserves. Life was slow when they were babies. Now it is busy.
What does love look like when you're exhausted?
It looks like creating a cosy atmosphere, lamps on, cooling or heating just right, a family movie on, gathering blankets and pillows and snuggling up together on the Glamswag. Hux and Indi happily watching the movie in my arms, unaware that I am, in fact, asleep.
Is there a daily ritual that grounds you in this season of motherhood?
Weights first thing in the morning, while the kids are still in bed, hopefully! Some deep breathing to find my centre, my calm. (This lasts less than five minutes. I'm still learning to be good in the stillness.) A cup of tea first thing is a delicious start to the day, while I handle whatever needs to be done in the kitchen.
On weekends, a sauna and beach dip, or a yoga class with my favourite yoga teacher, is a real treat.
What do you feel most proud of in your motherhood journey so far?
Building strong relationships with my children and growing alongside them. How privileged we are to be able to create such relationships with our children. I will always cherish this honour.
What kind of legacy, emotional or otherwise, do you hope to pass on?
I endeavour to raise Hux and Indi to be kind and considerate. They are also very perceptive and emotionally aware, as well as practical and determined, qualities I admire greatly in them.
I hope when they are older and considering career paths and ways of life, that I can remind them of their childhood passions, and encourage them never to let go of them.
If you could speak to yourself at the beginning of motherhood, what would you say?
You will be challenged. You will be forced to look at yourself and heal any issues, no matter how small. Create a small routine of something you'd like to do for yourself that you can accomplish each day. Have something you do for yourself every day, even if it's a cup of tea in the garden.
Every stage passes, it's not forever. Try not to project into future thinking and just focus on the present. You will be able to deal with the situation much more calmly and compassionately (still learning this!).
Reading Robin's words back, what moves me most is the gentleness she brings to her own becoming. The way she speaks about motherhood as a practice, a lifelong, ongoing one, and gives herself such grace inside it. The quiet permission to learn slowly, to grow alongside her children, to honour that time that she needs and deserves.
Thank you, Rob, for sharing yourself here so honestly. For the reminder that we don't have to arrive anywhere, we just have to keep showing up, softly, day by day.
With love, Kirst
P.S. Check out Rob's incredible creative work on Instagram here.
ROBIN'S PICK
Written by Kirsten Herbert
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